Yes, I'm having a baby

Why are people's reaction to my news always shock? I guess in a way I understand, but I haven't had anyone IRL be excited yet. It's as if the baby doesn't exist. They better watch out because in 6 short months this baby will be very real. I told my aunt and all she said was, what the hell were you thinking? I mean, after the initial shock then I hear words of support, etc. But initially it's very frusterating because it's not as though I can reverse it, it's not as though I can say, Just kidding. What do you want from me? I'm pregnant. It's not going to change, so let it go. No one even realizes that maybe this is something that I wanted! They all say, poor you, what are you going to do? We will be there for you no matter what. Somehow I don't believe that because I rarely get help with L, even though I so desperately want and need it. I'm just the type that doesn't ask for it, but omg I would kill for a couple hours to myself every night, or a a night away or ANYTHING. My mom helps when she can or when I ask her and it works out perfectly for her. But never has she once said, here let me do that, you go do that. Well you know what I mean. It always has to be under her terms and always to her advantage, which therefore usually ends up making me late for something, or having to constantly worry about L. When I went out last summer for the evening she even texted me to tell me that L wasn't sleeping and she needed me to come home. So much for a night out. I just don't seem to ever catch a break. I'm sure that's not true because I know there are some good things. But lately I'm just seeing and remembering the negative. My mom wants me to move in with her, but how can i do that. Just today she suggested that I give the baby up for adoption!? I mean, what the fuck? I'm not 15 years old without a clue how to take care of a baby, I'm a 26 year old that is a grown woman that already has one kid!!!! I just don't understand people. Not to mention all of the other hurtful words I have heard in the past from this woman. I just can not fathom having to hear any more, and living with her would definitley stir the pot again. I've made up my mind. I'm not doing it. I refuse. I will get a second job before I do that. Oh man I'm really setting myself up here, I have a feeling I will end up back there..even though I really dread it. It might need to happen for a few months. 12 at the most. I haven't told my dad yet. He will probably take it better than my mom, but since my mom's reaction, I fear everyone elses. I just don't want or need to hear the negativity. We'll see I guess. It's not as though it's something to be proud of. I'm having a baby with a different guy than the last guy I had a baby with and we are unmarried and pretty broke. Not as though I don't have a reason to be terrified of reactions,. and I suppose good reason to why people react the way that they do..I just wish they would have some respect. I'm a hormonal pregnant woman who needs SUPPORT please! My only support network is my online friends, and that is not bad at all, it helps me out so much, but then to hear the IRL friends and familys comments..makes me wonder if the online friends are just saying the nice things to be, I dunno, nice? They can hide behind their computer with their comments, or use the delete key on their comments. I don't know. It's tough. It's tough not having a close knit family. I'm glad I am giving L a sibling. I hope they are close. I am happy for having this baby, even if no one else is. I'm going to be the best mom that I can be even though I will be working for their whole lives. Maybe one day things will fall together better but until then, this is what I'm faced with and I must do it with a smile on my face and a postitive attitude. My family is SO much different from me. They all are upper high class people that care what other people think and rely entirely too much on this. I was always the one that didn't care what people thought and kinda went in a different direction. I guess I am the black sheep now of the family. Even our old black sheep in the family didn't have 2 kids by 2 different guys! She just did drugs and had two kids with her fiances cousin. So I guess maybe we are similar, I should look her up. I do not use drugs though so that is somewhere we would differ. People always referenced her as "black sheep" of the family though. Kind of like on my dad's side of the family there is a "gay cousin". Fuck, it's rough to be different. Until next time.