changing times

I signed the offer on the house! Yikes! I can't believe I'm actually doing it. I can't wait!!!! I will finally be the owner of something! I really am getting excited! We move in on May 1st. I haven't officially asked D to move in with us yet, since he totally can not afford it, but I'm sure he will be staying with us a lot. We'll see I guess. I just can't believe I'll finally have a house with a yard and stuff, it will be great! Someplace to call home, like I've wanted for years. The financial aspect is the only thing that pains me. I'm not sure if I will make it. I may sink. It's all up in the air still and I'm waiting for the bank to call me back to let me know what the loan payments will be and the interest rate and all that crap, so we'll see. I just hope it's not that expensive!!! If it is, then I really pray that I can drop my insurance at work so I can earn an extra $200 a month. Medicaid accepted me, but I need to get rid of my work insurance now and I have a feeling it might not be that easy. ugh. Nothing EVER runs smoothly in my life so I'm expecting the curve ball. I went to my ob appt on Monday and they told me that my pap smear did in fact come back abnormal :( I need to have another Colposcopy done, which SUCKS! I had one done a year or so ago and it was awful, didn't help that the gal that did it was rude, so I requested somebody else, we'll see. I really don't want to go and that appointment is on 4/14/08. I wish it was just over with already, I'm freaking out about it. The cells were atypical so nothing too severe, but they do need to check the severity so I guess this is what this test does. blah. Again, why can't things just run smoothly? Then the 23rd I will find out the baby's sex! I can't wait for that appointment. They will also be doing a full fetal check to make sure the baby is great! I can't wait to see my baby again. And find out the gender and start figuring out a name for this blessing. I did my workshop on single motherhood. It was VERY scarey, but it went pretty good. I had help from a co-worker so that was nice! It's over now so that is the best part! I am not the greatest public speaker, so I was a little shakey, but it was good practice I suppose. I can't wait to have the baby and can take off time from work, I really need a break from this place! I wouldlove to quit. We will see how that works out. Maybe something will come together and things will start to get back on track in life. I really hope so. I hate chaos and not-knowingness. and that seems to be the theme of my life these days. The only thing I'm actually scared about right now though is that damn colpo, I really really wish I didn't have to have it. I don't have any other option though. I just hate the Dr and think it's all a conspiracy. Last time I had my colpo they were talking about histerectomys and all this crap and then the results came back fine...what the fuck was the point of the colpo then? I think they get a shitload of errors with their tests that they run, and why haven't they come up with something less painful then the damn colp. It SUCKS!!! ahhhhh..I could vent about this forever, but vent over.