feelin' fine.

Today I feel good. I am relaxed and feel at peace. I have no idea why or how since the past few months I have felt like one giant ball of anxiety. But today I am feeling terrific. I am treasuring this moment. I got the keys to my new house today. I am more than excited! A little scared too, but mainly excited. This weekend we got a ton of packing done so that is good. Just have a few necessities to pack up yet. It's really happening. My mom is paying to have our new carpets cleaned so the carpet guy comes on Wednesday. I need to get my address changed with the post office. Tonight we are going over to start cleaning, washing walls, scrubbing cupboards and toilets :) should be fun! Then this weekend will be moving day - how very exciting. I am happy we are getting to move in a bit early, therefore the transistion for L should be a little easier. Not to mention for me too, I am leary of change. I am also leary of having D move in with us, but we will just do it and go from there. It's like I'm his landlord anyways so I can always kick him out later if need be. We are getting along okay right now. Better than before. I feel calm with him. I don't feel so much hatred like I did with Chris. I hated Chris. We knew we were not going to last. With D, I feel like there is hope, like maybe things won't get fucked up. He is not a fighter so that is good too. He is so laid back and will always just leave if I start getting too stupid. He has helped me to calm down some too and realize that I don't need to start stupid little fights all the time. Choose your battles. Or so I've heard. I have to jump through so many hoops to get my FMLA all set up through work. They didn't tell me that I needed to get paperwork in within 15 days of our phone call, what BS. It's almost as if my work likes to screw me over. I hate working here. Anyways, I should have it all filled out within 15 days. I wish I knew more about FMLA and short term disability and all that crap because I feel so blind going in to this. Oh well heres hoping that my hr guy will inform me, but yeah right. Other than that, smooth sailing right? The baby is really moving around a lot these days. I have an appetite again. A big one. and we find out what we are having on Wednesday! 2 more days! at 2:00. I am really looking forward to it. I'm nervous. D is going to pick me up from work and then we are gonna go. It's weird saying "we" this time around. Last time I didn't have the support of someone. Last time I moved I was 9 months pregnant and alone. It brings tears to my eyes to know that I have someone this time and know that they are excited. I really appreciate him so much more than I probably would if I would of had somebody last time. He doesn't even realize that his mere presence means the world to me. He doesn't realize that the little things he does like even touching my belly means the world to me. He doesn't realize that when he talks about the future of us and our family means the world to me. It chokes me up to have a somebody this time around. I know I bitch about him a lot, but I really do love him and am so grateful to have him in our lives. I'm sure there will be more bitching to come, since I am a woman, but this is my outlet for the bitching. At least if I do it here I won't(maybe) do it at home. I just feel so good right now, I never want this feeling to leave me. It's a feeling of relaxation like everything is going to be allright. Maybe it's because I got the keys to the new house today. It's the greatest feeling. I just want to jump up and down, of course doing that would probably give me cramps. Stacie will probably come over tonight to help clean. I hope so. I miss her. 50 more minutes and I'll be out of work and to the new house to clean. I can't wait. L seems excited about the new place, I can't wait to show her her new room that she's been so geeked up about! I just bought a mobile home and yet for some reason, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world today.