I don't even know where to begin

Well I pretty much had a meltdown last night. I guess after reading you will see why, but ugh. Nothing is ever easy I suppose. This whole insurance thing with my house has been a huge mess. I got a couple letters in the mail yesterday and neither were good. The first was from the corporate office of my bank telling me that if I don't produce an insurance policy in 2 days they would assess a $2000 add on charge to my loan, which would up my payments and would provide their own insurance. yikes..This was my 3rd letter like this, except this was the final notice..in the past 3 weeks I have been hounding my insurance guy trying to get him to communicate with my bank. No luck. I took time off from work this morning and went to a different insurance agent which my parents go through and I do too for my vehicle and life insurace, so I know they are credible. Anyways, They contacted the bank for me this morning, well let me back up..first they told me they couldn't help me on such short notice, but then I started bawling in their office, of course followed by apologies because I'm pregnant and hormonal, so she finally said she would check again. I guess sometimes it helps to cry. they ended up helping me! They called the bank and made sure that they would not charge me this $2000 bullshit thing and then I paid them $334 for the whole year and am now insured for sure this time..phew. The other guy, well he said he would mail my back my $50 and not to worry. My dad called him and said what I have been trying to get him to do for 3 weeks, this other insurance company has now done for me in 15 minutes. I intend on following up and writing a letter to the insurance commision on this guy..he's messed with the wrong person. Even my new insurance agent wondered how this guy sleeps at night. He's not actually writing policies, just pocketing the money until something comes up like a fire or something. I still have not heard confirmation that this matter is finally taken care of, but hopefully soon! Next letter I opened last night was from the prosecutor's office and I'm now apparently suiting chris for child support. It happened behind my back since I had to apply for medicaid. Which was stupid to begin with since my work will not take me off of their insurance, therefore i am still paying over $200 a month to keep Lilly and I insured and Medicaid acts as a secondary insurance which picks up the co-pays or whatnot..but still. I understand their reasoning for going after the support, it's their job, the state wants their money, I get that all. What kills me is the fact that he is now back in my life after a few years. The fact that after all this time could he possibly get custody? Is the reason he tried contacting me before because he had gotten a letter regarding this? It all makes me very nauseous. I tried calling the child support specialist and they are on vacation until July 14th and the hearing or whatever is on the 17th. So i'm going to send in the paperwork they requested for now, but if I can somehow opt out of medicaid and make this all go away then I sure as hell am going to do that! If he was a good parent or even trying to make an effort this would be different and I would be more cooporative. But he is slime. He makes me very ill and just having his name pop up in my mailbox made it all very real and very scarey. Why I had sex with this creature is beyond my thinking and I really can't wrap my head around it all. After getting these 2 letters last night I decided to go to my mom's house..not to really see her, but just so that I could cry and not cry in front of D. So i took L and went to my mom's. At first my mom was pissed and pretty much just blamed me for all the bullshit and said I could have done things differently, ie, not gotten medicaid, etc. I WILL take L off of medicaid if it will make this all disappear, that's for sure. Anyway, then after I cried for a while she finally cooled off and helped me out with how to fix the whole insurance thing, which worked. I don't know how or why but my mom, no matter what, is always always always right. My mom also conveinantly works for the court system, but I am trying to sort all of that mess out on my own and see what happens. So I got back home from my mom's house and D was playing the computer still. The house is trashed. I just walked passed him and gave L a bath and got her ready for bed, put her to bed, then crashed on my bed without really talking to him. I noticed he fell asleep so I grabbed the remote and shut the tv off. One thing he does that really irritates me is he has to sleep with the tv on every single night and I put up with it, but usually have to reach across and get the remote and turn it off. He woke and said, give me the remote back, i asked if he was going to turn the tv on and he said yes, so I said, well then no. I'm sick of having the tv on all the time, it's loud and not to mention wastes electricity. So he turned over and in turning over he knocked his glass off the side table and I heard it shatter. He just laid there. So a minute later I asked if he was going to clean his mess up. no response. So I asked him again and he still just layed there pouting like a little baby. So I started ranting about how I hate living with him and I think he should move out, etc etc. Then I said I couldn't believe he wouldn't pick his mess up. and he said, why would i after what you just said? It's your house you clean it. So I got out of bed, grabbed a towel and turned the light on. He jumped up and turned the light off, and I said what are you doing I am cleaning my mess up. He got so pissed off, he took the fucking light bulb out of the light. So I grabbed a bag, all while crying, ugh I hate crying in front of guys, but told him I was taking off. I got L and I packed up and he grabbed my cell phone and keys and told me I wasn't going anywhere and to see how I like it( have no idea what he meant by that) but I was so angry!!! Anyway, by this time it was 11 and I was so exhausted and worn out from crying and not to mention I was very crampy and the stress was no good at all to my little baby. So he started talking to me more calmly and just asking what he does that is so horrible. I told him how I just hate living with him, we moved in too quickly and I really miss just being me and L. Not to mention all he does is watch tv and play video games. And he never goes anywhere with us. and then of course the money issue. I told him how if I have to buy a tire I can't just not turn in rent money for the month. Or if after I already pay them money I can't be like, oh well can I get $20 back cuz I need cigarettes(he's done both of these to me). ANd I said it's bullshit. Which it is! So he went to bed without saying anything else and I slept on the recliner, didn't go to sleep til after midnight and woke up with puffy eyes. I woke up once in the middle of the night and asked L what she was doing up...I saw her!! Then in the blink of an eye she was gone. I was hallucinating or something, it was very weird though!!! So that was my day yesterday. Today D has texted me on his break and lunch hour, but we haven't discussed last night..he asked if I meant what I said and I told him I didn't know, but what I do know is that I am not happy with the way things are. He said I should talk to him about it instead of just getting mad. HOw can I talk to him though when he never ever communicates with me? I dunno. The whole thing is just insane and half of me wonders if I blew up like that because of the whole chris thing. THe way I cried last night, stomache ache and all, was how I felt the whole pregnancy with L. Chris always gave me that stomache ache and it was back in full force last night. IT's the stomache ache where you are crying so hard it hurts. I hate it. I'm kind of at a loss right now at what to do with D. He has no where to go if I actually kicked him out so I hate to do that, but I'm not happy with the living arrangements. I got myself in to this mess though. I hope he will talk to me tonight and we can get something resolved. I really did not think that something like mail could set me off like it did, but wow, those were some heavy peices of mail I guess! to be continued I guess.