I can't win

I feel like I'm losing the fight with D. I am a person that doesn't usually put up with a lot, but with him I feel like I've put up with a TON. Not sure if it's just the pregnancy hormones, but I'm starting to think, not. He is as stubborn if not more than I am and that is irritating. He doesn't listen to me, ever. And I don't like how he's been toward L. He walked in the other day and L said "HI D" and he just ignored her? I mean, what the fuck is that? When I was younger I dreamed of marrying a man that was going to play with the kids and be friendly and outgoing and positive. D is not friendly to people he doesn't know(particularly my mom) and is just not playful with my kid at all, or his kid for that matter. It BOTHERS me so much. Not to mention he doesn't want L getting away with anything and wants her in time-out 24/7 and then tells me how I am not being that great of a parent, I don't know how to discipline and my child is out of control. She is SO not out of control, he just got lucky with his daughter I think, but my daughter is a happy child and not too out of control, and I discipline when she hits or does something completely ridiculous. She JUST got her big girl bed last night and she got up a couple times, D was sitting on the recliner "L, get back in to bed"..of course I went in there and comforted her, but he just is not at all on the same page with me with parenting at all..sigh. Then..the ever saga of the cleaning. My aunt was coming over last minute on tuesday and had called monday to tell me that. She was going to let in the furniture people for me since we would both be at work. Well The house was pretty messsy so I was cleaning like crazy on Monday night..while D sat in the recliner watching tv and lifting his feet to my vaccuming. Then I asked him to move a box of his shit pleaze and he didn't answeer so I asked again and he was like, no. So I told him I'd put it in the closet..it was pretty heavy, but I lifted it and put it in the closet..he came right behind me and said, no..and took the box back out to the counter. ugh. I asked why and he said that since L never listens he's sure she will get in to it. whatever. So then I ask if he would help me out a little since my aunt is coming over. no I don't feel like it. His attitude is terrible and I really don't think I'm asking all that much. So my aunt comes over, I get home from work and she had cleaned everything that I couldn't get to the night before..how embarrassing!! NOt to mention she picked up all of D's cigarette butts out in the yard. His reply to that is that the lawnmower picks them up! I still hate the look of them in the yard and even put a can out on the deck for his butts..there is one in there. I have aasked him a couple times to put them in there. He seriously is a worse listener than my daughter in my opinion. So I told him that last night when we were talking about Monday nights fight. He said he would try harder. Then today at lunch I asked if he would pick up the pile of cigarette butts my aunt had collected and he said yeah, I'll pick them up with the lawnmower just like all my other ones, and I said, so you aren't going to put them in the can? and he says no. UGH. I just am so sick of him being so childish. So I said you know you really don't need to live with me, it's not really working out. And he hung the phone up on me. So here we go again. sigh. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of the fighting, I am SICK of living with him and wish he'd move out. I KNOW i'd be happier without him living there. I just don't think he ever will. One time while fighting I suggested he move out and he said I would need to contact a lawyer and evict him then. Is that even possible? I hope it doesn't come to that, but i hate hate hate living with him. I love him as a person but can not stand living with him. Which is not going to work to say the least. I want to be with someone happier too..he's such a downer like 50% of the time. Maybe he is using drugs and I don't even know it, I'm pretty naive when it comes to that stuff..hm. Because sometimes he is great and happy and treats L and I with respect and then it's like the next he's a completely different person with mr. attitude, like a teenager almost I guess. Anyways, L LOVES her new bed and so do I..she got a bed, dresser, and night stand and a little coat rack to match too, it is awesome. She did so well besides being a little scared last night. I can't believe my baby is growing up, it was a little sad. Today I had another dr. appt. I swear I live there. They did a colp again with a repeat pap. Ugh. The little light they use for the colp wasn't working so they had to find another one, so I was laying there for about 10 minutes(which is a long time when you have that speculum thing in!). I am super crampy now today and even hitting the bumps while driving is so painful. He said that is all normal though, but it's still uncomfortable. On the plus side he told me that my cervix looks great and he thinks the hormones from the pregnancy are what caused the abnormal pap in the first place and that by my 6 week appt it should be a normal pap result. Yay. D doesn't even know I had this done today. Oh well. Next week I'm getting another ultrasound to check growth and I want my mom to come with me to see the baby. I'd rather have her there than D. that's sad. She was the one with me with my pregnancy with L. She went to lamaze with me and shopped with me and threw me my baby shower,and well, she can be pretty awesome. She was going through a divorce, after 32 years of marriage my dad just decided to take off, while I was pregnant and both of us surprisingly made it through. There was lots of crying going on the first 3 months of L's life..we all lived together and if it wasn't me it was my mom. What an emotional time in both of our lives. Anyways, I am at work and really wish I wasn't. I want to go home and start on the baby's nursery now that L's furniture came in I can really start organizing. I want to go home and sleep. I want to be anywhere but here and time seems to be moving backwards today.