overwhelmed

Today I'm the epitome of a pregnant woman. I'm a hormonal mess and my mood is all over the place. I've been crying the entire morning. Stuff just keeps adding on and I just feel like I can't take it anymore. My mom told me, well you got yourself in to this mess. Yeah thanks a lot, just what I needed to hear this morning, I already KNEW that. I just wanted to vent and have someone listen, I guess I can't use her anymore. Crying began this morning after leaving daycare. They told me that once this baby arrives the cost of day care is going to be $289/ week. $289/week. Had to type that again. Can't even fathom it. Right now I pay $229/week and struggle. How the heck is this going to work. The DHS is not going to give me any type of assistance for day care even once this one pops out. I would need to have another kid to get even 70% of my daycare bill paid. What doesn't make sense is that my take home pay is only about $300/month more than what I'll be paying in day care in a month. I'm sorry but I can not pay rent, consumers, buy food, diapers, live my life off of $300/month..it's just not going to happen. So what am I to do? I have no freakin idea. I don't even know how to think about this logically and at this point I just cry. On top of that, D is mad at me. We had the whole last name discussion last night. My babies all have my last name. Why wouldn't they!? Why would I give my son his last name only because he's a boy? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I think D is being very selfish in this matter. He won't talk to me. My friend got me a free ticket to a local baseball game tomorrow so I was going to do that with friends and now I don't know since he was the one that was going to babysit so I could go. Now he's being a baby and not even speaking to me so who knows if I'll even go. We were getting along so well before this. Although on Saturday I had a friend in town and she wanted to go shopping to Target, so I got D to watch J so we could go and not have to worry about a baby in the cart. Welll he called me twice while we were there and then told me to hurry because he had to be home for dinner and couldn't be late? So we had to rush back and we were a little late and he left without even saying bye to me slammed the door and then squealed his tired when he left. sigh. What a little baby. I'm sure his aunt and uncle would not have been mad had he been a half hour late for dinner. I was so mad, but I agreed to have him over last night to watch a movie. Well then he said he didn't like the way Brandon sounded with his last name and I said, this baby is not going to have your last name. and that was it, he stopped talking to me, walked out of my house on the movie and now hasn't talked to me since. Stupid boys. Then I get to work this morning and find out that everyone is going on a picnic at lunch time. No one even invited me. I feel so left out and bummed. I know I shouldnt be pissed about a stupid office lunch, but I guess it's my hormones because my feelings are very hurt. I think I'm gonna get applebees drive through to make myself feel better. I don't know. It's just been a crappy couple of days and I'm feeling pretty low. My dad is taking L to her last and final supervised visit, if I end up going to that baseball game. What happens next there I am not sure. The unknown scares me. But for now I have to try and not agonize over it. Easier said than done. My heart is in knots.