about 28 weeks

wow..I'm 28 weeks along now..it's zooming by which is the opposite of what I wanted/needed to happen. Everything that's happening I just keep thinking, I just did this!!! I went and picked up J's birth certificate finally today, yeah I'm a big procrastinator and seeing that she's going to be 1 in a couple weeks I figured I'd better get it! Less than 2 weeks and she will be 1! Holy cow time is just fllying by. I feel like I missed out on J's whole baby stage. I have little pictures of her. Poor middle child! ugh. I need to start taking a ton of them. I'm going to get their professional ones done, but that is always so stressful, it will take a day with lots of energy to try that I guess. Or maybe one day we'll just do it randomly. They are good girls. They seem like they are going to get along really well, it's adorable. My dad ended up taking L to her 6th and final visit with Chris. The next step? I have no idea. I wish I knew something, anything, but I don't. The uncertainty is eating away at my existance. D makes me mad quite often. Just with things he says. So happy we don't live together anymore for that reason, that and the fact that when he is over he just lays on the couch watching me taking care of my two kids. I have asked for help and have even pleaded, but he doesn't care, doesn't listen. He told me yesterday that when they start taking more money out of his checks for J's child support he's going to quit his job. I called him a loser and started crying. I think it's bullshit that he's paying to support A, his other kid that's not mine, but won't help out me and my kids!? What the fuck ever. He's just like any other deadbeat then if he's gonna play that game. He is still trying to be sweet to me and kiss me and trys to have sex with me just about every day. sigh. I like the attention so I don't mind it. But he's not changing and that's what I was hoping for. But nope. Looks like he's not the one for me and I may have to tell him to back off for a while. Even though every day I call him over to hang out or go to the store with us or at least see him. It probably should end at some point. I do need the help though. I go nuts with just the 2 girls. I just keep thinking, how in the hell is this going to work with 3? and 2 under 2! I realize it's my own choices, but holy hell I'm gonna be bonkers for a few years. Right now I look like a beached whale. I am so bloated I can barely walk, my face blew up like a balloon, I can't wait until my next appointment just to make sure everything is going along fine. I feel so odd. I started walking in the evenings with J in the stroller and L on her bike, but my back is killing me after 2 days of it. ugh. There was 4 weeks between my last 2 appointments, so I have one next week..I can't wait. Then after that one i will have one every 2 weeks. yuck. My job really can not excuse me that often, but they have to because of fmla, but I hate taking the time off before the baby is actually here. Anyway, not too much else going on, just barely making it to work on time everyday and looking like hell on wheels because I just roll out of bed last minute, put on one of the 2 pair of pants that still fit and an oversize shirt, throw my hair half up on my head with a clip, no make up..yes..it's bad! Then my poor children are half asleep when I arrive to daycare with hair not done, teeth forgot to brush, clothes are there, shoes could be random though. They still love me though :0)