I don't know the words to say here

I can't even explain the feelings I felt having to take L to the supervised visit last Thursday. It was a horrible nightmare, yet, I was calm and cool on the outside, I was screaming and hot on the inside. We get there and he is already there. We go back to the little room and she is clinging to me tight. She whispers something and I bend over and she says, "I don't want to play with my dad." So I end up able to sit there in the doorway with her inches from me. Then he says to me, "You need to write down things she likes to do and eat so that way when I start taking her I'll know." That was bold. I just said okay. She kept clinging to me for about the first 15-20 minutes of the visit and the lady supervising told me that honestly this is only the 2nd time she has ever seen that happen! I had prepared L for the visit, but not a few days before or anything, I told her that day. She is the type to get overanxious for things so telling her a few days in advanced seemed pointless. She was excited when we were at home, she was so excited to see her dad and "he will have candy for me" " I want to wear my sparkly shoes for my dad" It was so sad to see him standing there pathetic as usual with nothing to offer my daughter. He didn't entice her at all to play, he just sat there. The lady had to keep saying things like, don't you want to play with your dad, look at the toys, blah blah. I felt like I was on some crazy episode of I don't know what. Just felt so out of ordinary. We have to go again this week. By the end of the visit L had warmed up to him and even hugged him goodbye. The lady told Chris he could bring something for her next time if he wants. We'll see. We are doing this 6 times and then he has to take a parenting class and after he completes that then the custody gets reviewed. I've hired a lawyer. In regards to child support I will be winning the case with that. We go before a judge August 10th and my lawyer is very confidant that I will win. In fact, when she ran the numbers, he should actually be paying me more than he already is. So that was good news. She didn't have good news in regards to custody and all we can do is hope he messes up. But at this point I'm assuming that he's going to follow through with all this bs and that it's going to be a fight. I'm not going to be going in blind to this fight that's for sure. My lawyer is the best lawyer in town and mommy and daddy are paying for it for me. I have no shame in that. I'm just so grateful they are on my side with all of this. L hasn't said anything more about Chris since seeing him. She never talks about him. I will tell her again tomorrow that we will be seeing him. I wonder how tomorrows visit will go. sigh. Things with D are going great. He's been such a gem. We get along so wonderfully now that he isn't living there. I feel so liberated and it's a wonderful thing to be in control of my domain again. He is over quite often to help out or just to see the kids. Tonight he's coming over with a movie he rented that I wanted to see. He hasn't given me any money since about 2 weeks before he moved out so I went ahead and filed for child support. I need it. L had the stomache flu on Saturday so of course I came down with it on Monday. I was out of commision and so it was nice to have D there to step in. He even spent the night to take care of baby J during the night time. I really do appreciate the help he's been giving and just how nice he's been. It's so refreshing. Baby boy is doing good. I just started feeling him move around and i'll be 21 weeks on Friday. Although I'm wondering if it's just gas. This baby never moves! I haven't really had any cravings this time around, or any symptoms really other than the growing tummy. I'm calling a new Dr this afternoon to see if they will take me mid-pregnancy. I really dislike the current practice I go to and I've been there through all 3 pregnancies, I always meant to change Dr's but I just never found the time and lately I'm fed up with my treatment so I'm going to explore my options. Lately things have seemed so peaceful and just go-with-the-flow. Life is good. The only stressor in my life right now is Chris and his impact on L. Other than that, things are fine. No complaints. Am I setting myself up by actually typing these positive things? Or can I truly just be at a content place right now with no reprecussions?