trying again

Yep. I took him back. Things are still not 100% of course, but he is trying and right now things are great. I know I'm silly and that it may not be the best decision in the world, but the way I feel is that he deserves this chance and it really seems to be better. Of course the x-box is still not in the home so that could be why. We'll see. He really has changed though. Yesterday I went to an all day seminar for work and the topic was: Domestic/Family Violence. It was so informational and I learned a LOT! I know what to look for now, and signs. This of course was supposed to be designed for my clients, but it also worked in my personal life too. I almost mentioned the incident that happened to ask what they thought, but I ended up not. One thing that I learned that I was really surprised on was that people that are violent really CAN change. Whereas, I used to think that once an abuser always an abuser but that's really not the case. Abuse is a learned behavior. But she said that it can be unlearned and something can replace that behavior or a new way of thinking. When someone is a child and witnesses abuse everyday, they may live their life saying, "I'm never going to be like my dad/mom." But then of course they end up abusing their loved ones as well. Because, that is all they know. When they get pissed off, they are going to hit or throw or break stuff, because that is all they have ever known and that is how they 'learned' to cope. I told all this to D too. It really made a lot of sense to me. I definitley do not want to make excuses for why the way he was, but it does make sense. He knows what he did was wrong, and he has appologized many many times now. He knows his behavior was out of line and that it was unacceptable. He doesn't know why he did what he did, but this seminar almost gave us the answer. I just hope that nothing like this ever happens again. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells, I don't feel like I need to be or act a certain way when I am with D, I don't feel vulnerable. at all. So I think that is a good sign too. Actually our love seems to be growing even more, and it's almost as if this whole experience has made us stronger as a couple, as crappy as that sounds!! Well, My biggest loser competition started yesterday here at work! I got weighed in today since I was at that seminar yesterday, but I weigh 205lbs :( :( I'm so hungry today too, but I want to win this competition! I think this game might really help me to actually lose weight. We are on teams of 3, so we can't let our teamates down, it's been fun so far. Today someone put candy in all our mailboxes trying to get us to give in, it's hilarious. Should be a fun time and a healthy thing for our company to do! I need to bring a camera in yet to take 'before' pictures of everyone! Other than that, nothing too new is going on. I had an ulcer behind my eye, but that is pretty much cleared up now finally! I hate wearing my glasses, so today I finally get to wear my contacts again for the first time in a bout 10 days! Time to get back to work!