September is here....

Well, the month is finally here. I will be having a baby this month and that scares me to death. I dont know which I am afraid of more. Labor or taking home a newborn? It's so much different this time though. I've been so relaxed throughout this pregnancy, except for my hormones going out of whack time to time, but my stress level is surprisingly a lot lower than when I was prego with L. I remember just being in knots that entire pregnancy and lots of yelling at non parent, etc. Oh, speaking of him, I got a letter in the mail that he did show up to meet with the child support specialist so now she has to set up a hearing for us to meet face to face. that is going to be one of the most difficult things I will have to do in a long while. Anyway, I also have help this time that is not my mother. Which is weird too. My mom is being weird too. She thought I was going to be staying with her the first couple weeks after I had the baby? Um, no. Why would I do that? I have a house. I have a bf that wants to be involoved! It's so so unlike last time I really don't understand it. Then she was like, 'and D can come and go as he pleases,, etc.' I wasn't mean about it but I did tell her that I would be more comfortable staying at my own house when everything is already all set up there, but that I'm hoping she comes over a lot. She seemed sad, but why the fuck did she think I'd be staying over there? who knows. Then last night she asked me if I wanted her to stay the night at the hospital with me. I just said, well let me talk to D and see what he is planning on doing, cuz if he wants to go home and sleep on our bed then yes I will have you stay. But it's almost as if she doesn't realize that D is in my life? It confuses me to no end. D and I have been getting along really well and he seems excited for the baby. He got a cell phone to take to work just incase I go in to labor. It's just a cheapy phone from Wal-mart that you can add minutes on yourself, but at least now I am not worried on how I will contact him! Last week at the Dr. I went in and they had to check me, my cervix was completely closed but yet I bled pretty bad. The midwife said she had to show me all the blood since it was such a significant amount..yuck..i regret looking. It was probably 5-6 tablespoons if I had to guess. She said it's because the cervix is so sensitive right now and wants to open up. She wasn't concerned so I guess I'm not either. Then today I had another appointment, since I go weekly now, but they didn't check me. I told her how I've swollen up a lot and feel very bloated and how I puked this morning too, but she said she was not concerned. I guess no cause for conccern again. Last night I had major contractions though, they were keeping me up all night. Then this morning. nothing. go figure. I did not miss those contraction pains though, it brought back painful memories of my last labor with L. yuck. I really hope that this time it can be a bit less stress and pain. Names...are still a work in progress. D and I don't agree really, so we have a small list that we will take with us and then just take a look at her and decide at that time. What I'm hoping though is that a name just jumps out at me and is the perfect name for my second daughter. D and I will have known eachother for 1 year on the 8th of this month. Pretty crazy if you ask me. Makes me feel pretty whorish, but what can I say, I had been single for over 2 years and was ready again for love. I was so lonely at that little apartment with just L and I. That's when I hold D tighter in the night, it means so much to me to have him there next to me. We've not exactly had a smooth road in the past year that's for sure and if I wasn't pregnant I'm really not sure we would have lasted. Mainly because we are so opposite. But I do love the guy despite everything that we have been through and are going to go through. It scares me to death the whole thing and the whole life changing experience, but on the other hand, it really excites me and leaves me feeling this sense of unknowing that really gives me a rush. I just can not wait to meet this baby and see what she is all about. 2 more weeks give or take and let the games begin!