I'm hot. I'm tired. I'm READY!

Okay, I'm officially ready for my little girl to come out and meet the world. I'm done. I'm so tired of work, I'm tired of not being able to bend, I'm just plain tired. I know I will be even more tired once peanut arrives, but seriously my hips are killing me and I can hardly sleep as it is. I'd rather be comfortable and not getting any sleep than vice versa. ugh. Not to mention my feet are swollen and my hands and fingers. Even someone told me at work that my nose looked bigger. Not nice. I hate my job and can not wait to be done for 3 months, I think that is what I'm looking forward to the most. I just don't know how it's going to work out financially or how or if I'm going to still send L to daycare, but I'm hoping those answers will come to me while I'm off. At my appointment on Weds. They said I was less than 1 cm dialated and still thick, but very soft. So I'm assuming I have a ways to go yet. This coming Weds is my next appt and they are going to strip my membranes, so I have that to look forward to! Maybe this weekend it will happen naturally though? I hope so. Court is on Monday with Chris and I have major anxiety over this..it makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. He had one of my ex friends, I lost quite a few friends after our break up, they all stayed friends with him, but he had one of them call one of my friends that actually stayed by my side, and was asking for my phone number for Chris because he really needs to talk to Jill. Well no shit he does, he wants to settle on some sort of child support before the court orders it. My friend was awesome though because she told the ex friend, well I don't feel comfortable giving out Jill's number but why don't you give me chris' and I can get it to her. YAY for friends! So my friend called to see if I wanted it since he was trying to get a hold of me, but I just said no thank you. Anyway, I bet he has to be worried too about what is going to happen. I wonder if he will even want to be in our child's life? I think that is something that is worrying me in the back of my mind. That he won't. The fact that he doesn't care. never did. It hurts me all over again to know he is like that. And deep down I know that I do want her to have her dad in her life, just wish it didn't have to be him that is for sure, but I know deep down that it is the right thing and that it could be a positive thing if he actually stepped up to the plate. But I have a feeling that he will not. He's a deadbeat loser and I feel awful that has to be that amazing Little girl's father. I can only hope that one day D decides to step up and be her real dad. I would love that. I know it's a huge thing to say or do though and I know in time he would like to because he has commented about it before. But probably a ways down the road yet. I'm going to go to court on Monday and just be confidant and say as minimal as possible. Look as good as I can. Get the child support monies in order and then bolt out of there so fast. I have to take time off from work for this so that is annoying also. Oh which reminds me I still haven't talked to my boss about that yet. This weekend D has A, but he's not getting her until tomorrow morning so that is kind of nice. She has another soccor game and it's in her home town so hes' just going to pick her up after the game. He wants me to go but it's during L's dance class so I don't think I will go. Even though my dad and his gf are coming up to take L to dance, I still maybe will want to sleep during that time. I can be selfish right now, correct? I am beyond ready to have this baby though. I feel like my due date has come and gone, even though it's not until next Saturday. My co-workers are so sweet. They had a luncheon today for me and probably 5 or 6 of them got me gifts! I was so shocked. One even hand made me a baby blankey, it is just adorable!! I really need to apologize to them for being a hormonal bitchy prego woman these past like 6 months :( D needs an apology too. As well as L. My patience is at a zero right now with her and I snap at her so quickly, it's not fair. Her and D are probably so ready for me to be done being pregnant. I can honestly say I didn't like myself much the past couple of months. I'm feeling better right now though, mainly because I know i'm close to the end. My car seat got installed, but it's really cock-eyed, I dunno how to fix it. Hopefully someone at work might be able to help me. I was going to have Stacie clean my house for $30 but I'm too cheap I guess because I decided against it, I might as well get my fat butt doing it myself. That's all for now I guess.