A million + 1 things to do...

I am not prepared in the least for this baby. I have so much to do yet I feel overwhelmed. I have about 5 weeks left and that scares the crap out of me. 35 weeks tomorrow! Things physically seem to be going along fine..nice normal pregnancy..baby is going to weigh a bit more than the girls did, but seriously any lb baby hurts just the same in my opinion, whether it's 5lbs or 8lbs...it still hurts! This baby is still nameless and I hate that. I never had a boy name that I was in love with growing up. Actually I always used to say if I had a boy I'd name him Jayson. So we'll see! Things with Chris are dormant. I have not heard from him since the last supervised visit. Which I believe was the middle of August, but not sure. I got a letter in the mail re: child support which stated that it's going up because of his arrearage, but other than that, it's been quiet. oh and still haven't even gotten aformentioned child support from him. My aunt ran in to an EXfriend of mine and told her a bunch of stuff about me and about Chris and blah blah...not realizing that this ex friend is friends with Chris. I was a bit upset because I really hate for Chris to know anything about our life right now. So I'm a bit stressed about that and hope that nothing comes of it. I still feel like my life is a dream right now, I may need anti-depressants. I'm getting by, but not fullfilled. Baby J is still not sleeping through the night which is rough. I barely can sleep through out the night because of my uncomfortableness. Needless to say, I'm a zombie. Not to mention L sleeps with me now and does not go to bed until after 10 because of the wonderful naps they force her to take at day care..ugh. Then up at 6 for work. Work. I hate it. I wish I was on bedrest. I don't wish to be a stay at home mom though. I would go nuts. Weekends are long enough and I'm ready to drop the kids off by Monday. I'm only taking 4-6 weeks off after delivery because I know I will be ready for a break. Maybe a part time job would do me some good. I just dont' know what I'm doing financially yet. My house I will probably put for sale soon so I can go and stay with my mom and save for a bigger house. I can afford the house I'm in now, but I will never be able to save any $ if I stay there and I literally need a bigger house. Me and 3 kids can not fit. Things with D are day by day-right now things are okay. He still hasn't paid me any child support um ever, but he helps out with the kids whenever i ask..he's never told me no. So really I can't complain. It's so much more than I ever got with Chris. He talks about moving back in but he knows my stance on that. Not to mention if i'm selling the place anyway there is no point. I can not house him and his daughter anyway, so no way jose! We get along though and I love it. We have our fights especially because I'm a hormonal mess lately and get mad at him for the stupidest shit, but what's new with that? He doesn't throw objects anymore or punch in picture frames he just walks out the door and goes home, so it works out lovely. L is a little miracle these days. She is so smart and sometimes it's scarey. She is a true wonder and I love spending time with them so much. My mom and Denny try and help me out as much as possible so that I can get enough one on one time with each kid. My mom is truley my lifeline. She came over last night and vaccumed my house for me and helped pick up, I was drowning with the cleaning thing and I think she sensed that since I started bawling to her on the phone about something dumb. So she came to save the day. I have to say it would be tough to live with her again because she is always judging and breathing down my neck, but if I just let it go in one ear and out the other then maybe it could work for 6 months or something. She offered it to me so it's not as though I asked to move myself and 3 babies in with her. I guess we shall see what happens. Next time I update will probably be when I already have the baby, time is going by so quickly it scares me.