Friday, May 1, 2009
I need help
Well, my mom started talking to me again. She called me an idiot, gave me a hug and now she's been calling me daily again with her paranoias that i've missed. The most recent is she called my brother and I to tell us to stock up on soup, bottled water, etc incase the Swine flu comes here. She said she started seeing a psychologist and that it's been helping! Thank you mom, I've only been telling you to go to one for the past 3 years, I'm so happy she finally made that step!! I guess I gave her that push :) . Things with D are grim. I'm not happy, and I guess I pretty much knew that all along, I think I'm just that stupid girl that was believing that he could actually change. I really want/need him to move out, but I have no idea how to go about it. I tell him to get out, and he freaks out on me, I tell him to get out, and he says no. I tell him to get out and he threatens to take the baby. I tell him to get out and he starts throwing shit. I'm scared to tell him to get out. I don't know how to do it. I need help! I can honestly tell myself right now today that I do not love him anymore. Having him out of our lives would be the healthiest thing. Then there is the whole, oh my God I can't be a burden on my mother, yet how am I possibly going to do this alone? I'm at a spot right now where I have no clue what to do. I am not in love anymore and want him out of my house. I'm knocked up with my 3rd child and barely get by with the 2 I have. How will I financially be able to do this? I will I mentally be able to do this? Man, this is tough. I know Idon't want to live with him anymore, but I need to figure out how to get him and his shit out my house first of all, and second of all, I need to figure out how I'm gonna do this. I don't even know where to begin. I called my dad this morning to tell him, but he didn't answer either time I called. I don't know what he can do to help me anyway. Maybe he could be there while I tell D how I feel? I just don't know. I'm lost.
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3 comments:
Ok, my memory is a bit fuzzy on this subject, but isn't it YOUR house? Your name is on the mortgage?
If he gets mad and throws temper tantrums where he actually is throwing stuff around, you may have grounds for a protection order also.
Having another party present would be wise. He is less likely to act QUITE so stupid with an adult other than you there. Think about it. Do you want your girls around that kind of behavior? You can get ticketed for allowing that kind of thing to go on in your home. Child neglect, for failing to protect your children.
You may be about to better understand the struggles of your clients--you do work with training for welfare recipients or something like that, right?
I'm not sure what the cost of living is like where you are, but for me here, I make paltry wages--$10/hr--pulling in a whopping $16,000 last year. BUT at that level I get a housing subsidy, food stamps, and childcare assistance.
I could easily go out and get a job making about $30,000/yr. But that would put me in a worse position. In order to break even, I need to make $45,000+. There's nothing I can start at making that much unless I get a Master's, which isn't happening because, well, I can't afford it. I'd imagine you have a similar problem. You make just barely enough to get by as it is.
But? D hasn't been working. You'd be screwed come December anyway. You can't rely on him to do anything worthwhile for you.
You need to remain resolute in your stance. By now he knows how to manipulate you with guilt. He knows the run around. You have to stand against it.
baby steps, make a plan and stick to it. Good luck!
-h
Yeah, I am on the borderline to get any kind of assistance. I get denied for child care so I pay $1000/month right now. I also got denied for food benefits, I LOVE the WIC program though. It would do me better to get a part time job making min. wage, that way at least I could get something. Gotta love how this country is backwards in it's thinking. ah well. time to post.
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