Back....

I'm back. And incase anyone is still checking in with me, I do not want to open up blogger anywhere but at work because I would hate for certain eyes to see this as it is pretty much my journal, and I know things can be saved in history on computers. Anyway. Well, J has been born on 9/21/08. It is amazing how different 2 babies can be. J is a breeze compared to miss L. Things are going pretty smooth and I just feel so much better, my hormones I think have finally levelled off and I am pretty much back to normal. Ack, besides the fact that I haven't taken my thyroid medication in over 3 weeks! whoops. I put it away because I was having company over and out of sight out of mind. i am getting bloodwork done to see where that stands. I know I will need to continue the meds though because I am losing my hair like crazy. Having 2 kids is so incredibly different then having one. It is truley amazing how a little infant can disorganize everything. She is almost 3 months now and is just so happy in life. She smiles all the time, it is addicting. L is a pita right now. She is not too jealous of J, but she is acting out a LOT. I think she got bored sitting home with me for 11 weeks because she just does not listen and gets in to everything and I cant seem to discipline this one. I lose my temper with her quite often because she should know right from wrong by now. Like not coloring on the floor anymore. I have told her repeatedly not to do this, yet she still does it. or not to mess with my dvd collection. I am just glad she hasn't run out in traffic, because quite honestly if I told her no or to stop she just wouldn't. I am working so hard with her, I hope I can fix this before she gets older and brattier. D and I are doing great. I didn't really expect us to make it work, but honestly I am falling in love with him more and more each day. He is a good man and really showed his true colors through the labor and delivery and post pardom and all of that. He has incredible strenth. I guess mostly because he put up with me during my low points. He must actually love me. He is currently working 1st shift for my dad's company - still through the temp agency though. He leaves the house at 5:30AM and sometimes doesn't get home until 7PM. He works an hour away so lots of travel time too. At least gas prices went down finally. He does help with the baby for the most part, although not in the night time as I predicted. With me being back to work he really will have to help me in the night now though. He is not going to like that one bit. L met her dad, Chris, a few weeks ago. we met at the mall food court. He is so annoying and has not changed one bit. I cringe just thinking about him. But we have met there 3 times so far since I started receiving child support. I guess now that he's paying for his daughter he might as well see her, gag me. I told him that before he can start just taking her he needs to show some consistancy and actually be a parent. I also told him that it might be a year or 2 before I start letting him take her. I actually should wait 3 since that is how long he was absent for. In my state though custody and child support are 2 seperate issues so really I do not have to let him see her at all, I am just being nice. He would have to get a lawyer to actually get custody or whatever. I don't see him doing that. But his fiance might I suppose. She is also the one, I'm sure of it, that is pushing him to keep seeing L. Oh well I know it's good for her to see him, even though I really do not want her subjected to that part of her being. I got one check so far from Chris. That was a good feeling to finally get something from him. He didn't even bring L anything when he saw her that first time, or any of the times he has seen her. He hasn't bought anything for her. so sad. I better get to work now. It's almost nice to be back because I get a mini vacation away from L. Sad to say I know, but we really can not spend 24/7 together anymore or I think I would have gone insane. I already noticed I was much happier last night to see her and we laughed and had a pleasant evening. Well, time to work.